It’s been a while! I honestly forgot that I had this site until I got the renewal email (thank you Bluehost!) and I remembered what my intention was for this space–community, passion, and honestly just enjoyment. I wanted to find purpose beyond the 9-5 job that I earned over my past four years at university. I honestly struggle with starting things and continuing them because I strive for perfection. I want this to be successful, and that means having a curated idea of this site’s audience and goals, and I haven’t gotten that far yet. Then I remembered that this is supposed to be fun. I have enough deadlines, stress, and discipline in my life beyond this site, and this is meant to be a creative outlet. I took a deep breath and reminded myself to celebrate the wins. 

• Writing anything –a win!
• Expressing myself –a win!
• Creating instead of consuming — a win!

I’m not here because this site is perfect, or because it needs to be. I’m here because I enjoy writing and it’s a way to get out of my own head. So, in light of that, I’m going to treat this as a little diary, mostly for my future self. There are so many stories and experiences I’ve had over the past few years that I would love to document in one way or another, and if that’s all this is, then so be it. That is an accomplishment.

A lot has changed since the first time I wrote, let’s unpack a few of the major things:

• I ended a two year relationship
• My team at work expanded!
• I traveled over the holidays
• I mended some friendships and made some new ones
• I started going to therapy
• I cut my hair

Ok, first of all, the elephant in the room… ending a two year relationship?! You must be thinking, that’s life-changing right? I mean, in some obvious ways, yes of course. I am equally heartbroken and fully at peace. The man I was dating was a really close friend of mine throughout my college experience, and I will always care for him in one way or another. I think in the end it came down to the fact that sometimes love just isn’t enough, and that is a tough lesson to learn. I want to unpack some of the key things I learned from this experience, because I truly don’t think it was time wasted at all. It was a chapter for learning, and I am so grateful for the experiences, even the ones that hurt. So, my biggest lessons from my first heartbreak:

1. You need to love your partner. You also need to like them.
   • As relationships progress, you obviously learn more about your partner, and you really do see the good, the bad, and the ugly. We all have it, and we can’t hide it forever. Find someone that you would choose to be friends with over and over again, regardless of their mistakes or their flaws. Find someone that you can laugh with and rant to and cry with, who makes you feel understand through all chapters of this messy book called life. Your partner should not be perfect, but they should be someone you genuinely enjoy being around. It should not feel like a chore or an obligation, it should feel like a privilege. And if it doesn’t, maybe it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. Trust that people can grow and evolve, but the things that make them them are what you should cherish about them.
2. Trust your gut.
   • If you hate this saying, maybe it’s because your gut is screaming at you and you don’t want to listen. This is the most cliche advice I will ever give, and the most annoying, but it is true. Sometimes, we know things–even when we don’t want them to be true. Even when you’re in a relationship, make time to connect with different parts of yourself, listen to the needs that you have, and explore your emotions. Don’t be scared of your emotions, they are there for a reason. Take the time to discover that reason.
3. You deserve to burn for your partner.
   • Now, everyone has their less-than-desirable habits. But at the end of the day, you should want your partner emotionally and physically close. If you don’t feel that passion and that connection, you probably shouldn’t commit the rest of your life to this person. Because regardless of what everyone says, you really do deserve to have that love-story you’ve always imagined. And I do believe it is out there, you just have to stay in touch with yourself and your values, and trust God’s timing.

Obviously, breakups are never fun, but there is a silver lining to them. The growth that happens after, the ability to meet new people and explore different areas of interest, and the chance to reinvent yourself is so exciting. Focus on all that you do have, and trust that better things are coming. Also, listen to the sad music and cry. Cut your hair and change your style. Just because it was for the best doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel. Be gentle with yourself and patient in the process, and know that you are so, so loved.

Ok, I feel pretty good about that! It’s nice to articulate some thoughts and view my experiences from this somewhat objective perspective. Other updates include changes at work (answered prayers for real!) and traveling! I love love love any type of travel, there’s just something about airports that make me realize how large the world is, and how trivial my anxieties are. Plus, seeing new places and meeting new people always serves as a reminder for what I believe one of the purposes of this life is–connection. It’s so easy to get caught up in our routines, but when we take a step back and connect with others, it really brightens our lives. I have some exciting travel plans coming up, and I can’t wait to share some travel guides with you all! I love the creativity and intention behind these guides, and I hope to make them in a way that it’s easy to enjoy the city you’re in and feel like a part of the community rather than a tourist.

In this next chapter of my life, I’m trying to focus on authenticity and really just letting life flow. I can’t control everything, nor do I want to. The beauty of life is it’s unpredictability, and I feel we are our best selves when we embrace this as an integral part of the human experience. I can’t wait to keep documenting my life on this platform, and who knows, maybe someday it will actually be a platform. Only time will tell!

Until then, take care <3